A Glorious Perspiration
Aka My Journey into A Shamanic Sweat Lodge
We’re back at it, moving into Cancer Season, and I’m here to share my journey into a shamanic sweat lodge during the Summer Solstice. My friend told me about this specific sweat lodge that isn’t too far from where I live and she said it was an amazing experience and encouraged me to go. I looked it up, pulled some tarot cards on it (they were overwhelmingly positive), and decided I had to go. It was kismet calling my name.
They tell you to bring a half gallon of water, get hydrated beforehand, and eat light & healthy leading up to the event. Most of these recommendations are normal for any spiritual journey including the consumption of psychedelics. I drank a good amount water, ate decently, and ordered a Lyft, but part of me still felt unprepared. Feelings of nervousness, excitement, and anxiousness swelled in my stomach on the ride over.
I entered the owner's huge house and was directed into a room full of masks covering every wall. Felt like an incubation area, a transitional hub for the attendees. Everyone was super kind similar to the people in my book God’s Leftovers, but thankfully, they’re not hippie cannibals.
The men got ready in the room full of masks, changing into swim trunks or shorts while the women got ready in the room adjacent to ours. You go outside where there’s a beautiful backyard with curving walking paths and one leads you to a giant fire pit full of logs and grandfather stones, smoke wafting into your eyes by the wind.
The leader was an older white man with tribal beads around his neck and an old-school hat. He had everyone sit on these wooden benches around a big fire pit, sage themselves, and state their intention for this ceremony. I said something along the lines of wanting to become more authentic, more bold; wanting to let go of the past, and improve my throat chakra. While everyone shared their intention with the talking stick, a giant elk antler is passed around. You’re supposed to press your head against the antler to receive the elk’s medicine. I whispered to the elk antler, telling it I was open to whatever medicine it had for me.
We’re told that there will be four rounds inside the sweat lodge. The first round will be the longest while each round gets shorter and shorter, but the heat will grow more intense.
After this, you grab a towel, and your water and line up to go inside the energetic womb to be reborn. I stood in front of the entrance while the leader brushed me off with feathers and he mumbled something about “this child is about to go through great change.” I entered on my hands and knees and took my place directly in the back of the sweat lodge, facing the open flap of the entrance. There were maybe 10-12 people in there total. The floor and roof are covered with these thick blankets that have illustrations of wolves, jaguars, and other wildlife.
The leader comes inside and two fire keepers bring in hot stones via shovels from the pit outside and drop them into the circular cavity in the middle of the sweat lodge. A bucket of water is passed inside while the stones are blessed with a pinch of herbs and brushed with a bundle of sweet grass. We get settled in, the flap is closed by a fire keeper, and we are doused in darkness. I can’t see either of the women sitting next to me or my own hands. The fire crackles outside.
The leader begins singing Native songs that I don’t know the words to, invoking certain spirits, but I catch on. Water is poured into the pit and you can hear the steam rise in the air. Eucalyptus is sprayed and the pleasant scent helps me relax and take deeper breaths. The heat intensifies, but it’s bearable. I’m dripping sweat at this point, and shift positions to get more comfortable. I’m worried about accidentally brushing the women next to me with an elbow, but I’m fine.
One woman asked to be let outside where she’s still included in the sacred space, but is forced to sit out the second round. Everyone drinks water at the end and I dab the sweat out of my eyes. The flap is closed once again and we enter round 2.
The second round was hellish. I’ve boxed in gyms where the AC doesn’t work, I’ve done hot yoga, I’ve been on multiple deployments on aircraft carriers floating around the Persian Gulf with pipes dripping condensation with no AC in the dead of summer, but nothing in my life prepared me for the heat inside that sweat lodge during the second round.
The leader invites everyone to say a prayer to whatever entity they believe in and the prayers are said clockwise. I’m in the middle, listening to various prayers for loved ones, the collective, animals, etc. It starts out okay, but the heat begins getting to me and the self doubt creeps in. Maybe I’m not built for this, maybe I need to go outside. I play an imaginary phone call in my head, telling my friend I tapped out. I shake the negative thoughts away, wanting to get the full experience. I have no idea when I’ll be able to do this again . The prayers get longer and longer, and the sweat won’t stop dripping everywhere. I wonder if people have passed out in the sweat lodge before…
The worst people are the religious ones. This guy to the right off me starts spewing off a monologue of prayers as if he was in a church. Now, I don’t have any issue with religion, but we are burning the fuck up and the longer the prayers are, the more we suffer. The leader reminds people to be considerate and not to overdo their prayers. Then people start praying for the strength to get through this round and somehow that acknowledgement makes things worse.
I focus on my breathing. In through the nose and out my mouth just like I do in meditation, but mucus is beginning to build up in my nostrils. I should have drank more apple cider vinegar in the days leading up to break the mucus down. I hang my head down, feeling pitiful, but I remind myself that no one can see me in the darkness. My turn comes and I keep my prayer short and sweet.
The other people to left of me follow suit until it gets to a religious woman who prays for everyone under the sun. I wonder if she’s truly close to these people, how has she maintained these intimate connections for so long, and do all of these people need these prayers? Keep in mind, I used to go to Catholic school when I was little and my grandma plays piano at the church. I’ve sat through a million prayers, but I’m telling you this prayer felt like an eternity spent in hell.
It finally ends and at this point, people are saying Amen and Aho with extra juice in hopes that it’ll make people cut their prayers short. The leader proclaims that is everyone and opens the flap. The wind feels like a godsend and I sip on water like it’s the best thing I ever tasted. The leader invites everyone to say anymore prayers at the same time while he beats a drum. These people start saying a bunch more prayers under their breath like their life depends on it while I wipe my face with the towel.
I feel like I broke through an internal wall during that hellish round and I’ve grown more accustomed to the heat. I feel like I can do this. More stones are added to the center and we enter the third round and the flap is closed once again.
The leader stops singing and he starts inviting in spirits such as the owl, the eagle, the coyote, and then transitions to inviting in ancient spirits and telling stories, spilling ancient wisdom throughout the lodge.
I close my eyes and I can see the outline of spirits coming inside the sweat lodge and removing spiritual maladies from my emotional body. I see them taking burdens away from me and disappearing into the darkness like ghosts. The coyote reminds me not take my life so seriously: the bills, the need for self improvement, moving, work, etc. I feel a great weight lift off my shoulders and the flap is open once again, letting in some fresh air. I drink water and wipe the sweat off my face with my towel. We enter the fourth round, where there are no songs, no invocations. It’s time to surrender to the heat and the darkness.
In the quiet darkness, I listen to the sounds of frogs croaking, seeking out a female mate, the fire crackling outside, and a hawk screeching somewhere high above the sweat lodge. I see two slim outrageously tall black demons flow out of my body and get sucked into the fire pit. More darkness. More sweat. Various entities work on my body, tinkering with my energetic system. A skeletal shark mouth flows inside and crushes my ego in its jaws and a white grid forms beneath my eyelids, sliding over everyone like an esoteric web.
At the end of the fourth round, people are invited to share their experiences. If they saw any visions, had any revelations, shifts in thinking or anything else of significance. I debated on sharing my experience and listened to other speak about becoming more calm, but one stood out.
This Indian guy who grew up in Sri Lanka spoke about having this dark side that he has struggled with his entire life. He called it his “internal Hitler” and confessed that he has had thoughts of killing people before. The only way he can properly live is by getting ketamine shots on a frequent basis. Before this, he said things were bad, but didn’t go into detail.
The dark side of him rose to the surface in the second round and he hated everyone in the sweat lodge, but he seemed to win. The dark side of him was invited to the metaphorical table and given purpose and acceptance. It glared at ever aspect of himself, but he felt a lot better and more at peace. I think this was his shadow side being integrated or an entity. Either way, I was prepared to throw hands if he wanted to pop off.
I shared my experience with the group and also had a revelation that my discipline, routine, and productivity were cutting me off from joy and freedom. I have to stop being so rigid and make more time for spontaneity and joy.
I exited the same way I entered—on my hands and knees. One of the fire keepers stood outside and helped me get up to my feet. My head felt like it had a kettlebell in it and my steps were wobbly. I sat down on a wooden bench and collected myself. Everyone seemed in a similar state, worn out and renewed. My shorts were soaked in sweat and fresh air wasn’t doing much to dry them. I made my way back to the mask room and put on some fresh clothes.
Being away from my phone for hours and somewhat off the grid felt liberating. I returned outside and helped myself to some fresh pineapple, watermelon, and cherries. I was starving and it felt like exactly what I needed after such a strenuous experience. Everyone was pretty quiet and people started heading home. I took that as my cue to do the same.
The Results
The thing is with energy work and spiritual practices is you have to give it time to properly integrate and process. I did feel different and still do feel different since the sweat lodge. I feel lighter and everyday life doesn’t feel so damn stressful. The first couple of days following the event, I felt energy processing in my head and my stomach. I had to eat a bit extra to help the processing move along and it was more difficult to wake up in the morning. Another sign that great change is happening underneath the surface.
My coworkers are responding in a positive manner and seem to be much more excited than before when I enter the room. They would say hey or whatup, but now people are hype when I walk in. My vibration is higher and the weight of my worries has lessened. Plus, a girl gave me her phone number without me even asking for it.
I can tell energy is still processing and more changes/revelations will come…
Microfiction
I’m going to Voidcon in October so we’ve been doing these fun little writing prompts. It’s been fun and experimental. I decided I’ll share some here.
Currently Watching: Love, Death & Robots Season 3 & Lost Season 1 & The Idol Season 1 & Gantz
I finished watching Gantz, which was enjoyable and gave me a nihilistic high. However, the anime goes down in quality where it deviates from the manga. Not surprising, but this will make me crack open the manga soon.
Currently Reading: Blame! by Tsutomu Nihei & The Train Derails in Boston by Jessica McHugh & Full Throttle by Joe Hill & Cosmic Horror Monthly #1
I want to add a consistent amount of short fiction to my reading diet so I’m diving into every single issue of Cosmic Horror Monthly. So far, it’s good quality and I can see why this has been a such a hard market for me to crack. After, this, I’ll tackle every issue of Nightmare Magazine.
Jessica McHugh should be a much bigger author than she is. She has that undeniable voice and there’s a masterful hand behind every stroke. Speaking of strokes, this is one of the sexiest haunted house books I’ve ever read in my life and that’s saying a lot.
Currently Smoking: Packwoods
Listening: Black Tapes Podcast, The Danny Brown Podcast, The Higherside Chats
French Montana and Kodak Black have an undeniable chemistry whenever they link up. Kodak Black gives us a hypnotic chorus and laments over the past and feeling like a slave. French misses Chinx and hints at killing whoever shot him back in the day.
“Can’t be your true self while seekin’ validation/Gotta learn to let go, that's infatuation…”
Kaytranada is one of my favorite producers out and samples Jermaine Jackson’s “Castles of Sand” to create the wavy instrumental for “K&A.” This records feels like a throwback to those real hiphop days without taking itself so seriously.
There’s something divine about Hit Boy’s chopped soul samples to the point it makes me forget he can rap. Hit Boy and his dad join forces to rap in vulnerable fashion about how life has much more in store for both of them inside a warehouse, creating merch. With loose hints to faith, leaning on God, and the sample itself, “More 4 Me” packs a lot into 3 minutes and 12 seconds.
“Small circle, but I dealt the squares/law lurkin, I felt it in the air/I’m in the wood searching, heal the bear…”
Probably one of the most underrated rappers out of Philly, Dark Lo is rapping his ass off on “Apostle.” He was locked up for a while for threatening a witness and that same aggression is present on this record. Nasty guitar licks on the beat from Nicholas Craven and Dark Lo waxes nostalgic on his jail bids in the second half of the song.
Until next time…
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Loved your recount of the sweat lodge experience!! So exciting read about!