Meditation Flow

Sep 09, 2023

I’m writing this week’s newsletter on a Macbook with a missing key. A brilliant light shines through the dark gap. Seven planets are in retrograde and I’ve been going deeper into my meditation practice. I started out meditating back in high school. All of the spiritual gurus and successful people did it so I figured why not do the same? I bought a set of mala beads and I would sit on the carpeted floor indian style while no one was home and I’d rub each bead while saying a mantra with my eyes closed. After rubbing each bead, I’d end up saying a mantra a total of 108 times. My discipline was kind of shakey in those days, but I would do this practice on and off. I don’t remember if it garnered any results, but my intuition told me this was good.

I had spurts of different meditation practices in the following years. I tried guided meditations and researched David Lynch doing transcendental meditation. Not much happened internally or externally. Still, I continued groping and grasping in the spiritual darkness for something tangible.

It wasn’t until I landed in Rota, Spain during my Navy years did I experience something mystical and miraculous. I started doing yoga here and there and I signed up for a yoga class down the street from my Spanish home. An older German woman taught the classes and would make us meditate at the beginning of each class and at the end of class every week. She also would physically push you outside of your comfort zone with the stretches. A painful yet positive experience.

I felt more relaxed and calm after the classes and I was battling with a lot of anxiety. This was a time that party Grant was in full effect. Alcohol, women, and lots of sun was my lifestyle. You could find me in the Spanish streets maybe six days out of the week. One day I was driving down a cobblestone street in my Spanish beater car and someone stomped on the brakes in front of me last second. I smashed my brakes and watched my car lean forward and bounce back, nearly missing accident territory. Spanish drivers are a different beast and my heart was beating like a jackhammer. However, my body took over and I began breathing the same way we would do during the meditation practice until I calmed down and my heart rate returned to normal.

I was filled with joy and confusion that this shit actually worked. I was able to regulate my emotions and get back on the saddle in under a minute. It was impressive and here was proof that meditation had something to it. I didn’t have a deep awakening, but this was an effective tool, especially for such a chaotic time in my life.

I fell off the meditation wagon after I returned to the states, but meditation always found me. I tried more meditations and I was able to ease into it, but Zinastar’s classes helped me during one of my most turbulent periods a few years ago. I followed her in my early 20s but strayed for various reasons and other teachers. I returned during a Lion’s Gate Portal and she explained the purpose of meditation in such a way that it resonated on deep levels. I don’t have the juice to do the same, but it could help me remove negative programming from life and transform my mindset.

Over the last few years, I took her classes mainly for the guided meditations. I would tear up and come out of it feeling super relaxed and grateful for life. There were times I would see sacred geometry, flowers blooming, and deities beneath the darkness of my closed eyelids. I was finally getting somewhere. Still, I yearned for something more.

This year I’ve been determined to crack the codes of manifestation. I’ve taken various workshops, read books, and listened to a million lectures on the subject. I managed to manifest jobs, my own place, writing opportunities, and more. However, I didn’t fully understand how I did it, but I also wanted more.

Joe Dispenza enters the picture. I listened to his lectures a few years ago, but I was in a low place. A friend of mine suggested I revisit his talks and try his meditations. I took the advice and it helped so many things click for me. Maybe I’ll elaborate in another newsletter, but this is what I needed. The body holds a lot of trauma and craves feeling a certain way. So it didn’t matter how strong my mind was or how many affirmations or visualizations I was doing. None of it was getting past the brain stem and getting to the body. My body didn’t believe this shit. They always say you have to supercharge your intentions with emotion, but what they don’t tell you is you have to get your body to believe it as well. You have to feel this throughout the day and know without a doubt certain things will come to pass.

Much easier said than done. However, I’m a disciplined motherfucker. I started doing a Joe Dispenza meditation every morning and every night. If I was feeling frisky, I would throw in a full hour guided meditation in the middle of the day. I would feel more relaxed, more grateful for life, and I could feel my third eye throbbing afterwards. We’re getting results on this side.

In the interim, my programming would pop up. This would be negative thoughts, old memories, etc. Thanks to the meditation, I was able to catch these a lot more frequently and self regulate my emotions. This is where I’m currently at: facing my shadow, meditating, and transforming my nature. I’m excited for the future.

I blurbed Joshua Marsella’s excellent collection Hymns from the Dirt recently so be on the lookout for that. It’s dropping soonish.

The Sunday Book Club interviewed me recently and it went live yesterday. I drop a book title for a horror novella dropping next year. So click here to read that.

The writing in general is trucking along. Lots of cool ideas for Project Bunny Bloodbath. The beginning of Motorpapi Chronicles 2 is pretty emotional and intense. Motorpapi is going through it as usual.

Currently Watching: Love, Death & Robots Season 3 & Lost Season 1

Currently Reading: Blame! by Tsutomu Nihei & Full Throttle by Joe Hill & Cosmic Horror Monthly #2 & An Altar of Stories to Liminal Saints by Rios de la Luz

Currently Smoking: Alien Labs Creme de Menthe Pre-roll

Listening: Black Tapes Podcast, The Danny Brown Podcast, The Higherside Chats

Sometimes I really love love songs and this joint is my favorite off SZA’s last album. I was honestly surprised by how well done this music video captures those romantic vibes. This song just warms my heart. Plus, we get to see SZA seduce a robot wearing a fitted cap.

Benjamin Earl Turner is another dope lyrical rapper coming out of Chicago that hasn’t received his flowers. He’s been on a ton of big rappers projects but hasn’t been able to break out in his own right. “Headspace/Bent” is surreal, weird, and introspective. Prolly one of my favorite music videos and songs to drop this year alone.

JID and Lil Yachty was rap duo I never would have imagined seeing come to fruition but here we are. Their rap chemistry is undeniable. They both glide over the beat as they attempt a bank heist. Nice rap textures. This shit art—Van Gogh.

The outro for Mick Jenkins most recent album is pristine. He raps with such a presence and the lyrics are fire. The simple beat, hard hitting drums, and the diction makes me believe every word. No one is fucking with Mick.

Until next time…

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